Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Because I'd like to help those who come *behind*

Things I have learned about colonoscopy prep:

1). Unless you are desperate (and I was), do your homework about this procedure. I knew the physician I wanted to see; I had gathered input from friends and colleagues. But, I am learning that there are, perhaps, other 'prep' options that might have been more palatable. I would have advocated for myself better had I known how awful this part of the prep was.

2). "Don't add flavoring" might be what the guidelines say, but you better believe that by the end of my night of woe, I was adding some 7-Up and/or apple juice to the vile, salty nastiness. It increased the number of ounces I had to consume, but at least I could consume them.

3). Make jello, buy broth and clear liquids in advance!!! Do not wait until you start the...'procedure' to find out you don't have what you need. A trip to the store after you have started the.... 'procedure' would be akin to having a death wish.

4). Be kind to your behind. Yeah. Cute little pun, but an otherwise sad little bum. Purchase kooshey tp, soothing wipes, and other things your imaginations can figure out for yourselves. I know you're a creative bunch.

5). Call that 24/7 nurse. She sounded bored and unimpressed with my sad tales of nausea and miscellaneous whining, but she did offer a few helpful tips: it's legal to take a 30 minute break, if you just can't do it anymore; use a straw to help the liquid move more quickly through your mouth and the underlying, unspoken sentiment of, "Put your big girl p@nties on and deal". Perhaps she was a former Army nurse?

6). Take a nap, if at all possible before starting the ...'procedure'. It doesn't look like I'll be getting to bed any time soon. How could I? I drank the OCEAN, baby. grrrr....

Since I will be arising at 4:30 AM to leave for the hour drive to the hospital (I also hand-picked the hospital) by 5:30, for my 6:30 check-in and 7:30... 'procedure, I will be exhausted by the time I arrive back home, in the loving care of my driver, my dh, Mark.
All that to say, I'm gonna be wiped (out). haha

Good times, indeed. Good golly, good times.


beth gore said...

BTDT ... loved your description. I'm very glad mine is (ahem) behind me too. :)

The Greens said...

Wow-- I'm hoping never to go through that!! My college roommate did colonics (sp?) for a living-- in the basement of someone's house with no training, using wheat grass juice to "clean" the colon. I heard all kinds of stories from her...
She always tried to convince me to have one, but I told her if I ever HAD to have one, it wouldn't be from someone I knew. (:

Changing subjects-- can I just tell you how much I treasure each one of your comments made on my blog. Especially the ones about Elli. I feel like you "get it"-- that you know what a miracle these little things are to us. Your words are so kind and encouraging and I just LOVE you!!! If you ever did show up on my doorstep, I would feel like I've known you forever. (: Thanks so much for your insight and love for our family.