Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Now, we see dimly

You know, this has the potential to turn into a real sobfest for me, so please be aware, up front, that I am emotional and time-crunched and scattered, but galvanized into action.

Most of you may know this, but in case you do not, please know that I wanted to adopt a child. More than one, really. For a loong time, I held this dream. For reasons that have already been expressed here on this blog, that is not likely to be a part of the Lord's plan for our family. That's been hard.

But through the research and blogging I have done, I have met (cyber-met) some AMAZING people, with awesome adoption stories. People I check in with daily. People I know rather alot about, despite never sharing a cup of coffee/tea/cocoa/water with them. Some of these woman (families), I have come to care a great deal about. I feel connected to them in a pretty strong way.

One of these families (again, there are many, so no offense, please?) is the Green's. Oh my. The Green's.

I first heard of them when made a call to an adoption agency about a specific child waiting for a family in China. Hers was the first face I ever saw (and I scrolled through hundreds, looking for our child), that I knew was meant for me. Wow. What a moment that was.

So, as I inquired about this lovely, spunky girl, I was told that there was another family interested in my little one. OK. I was not surprised by that fact. That is certainly something that I knew happened all the time. Certain children have a sparkle and shine look to them that is widely appealing. This child fell into that category.

I inquired how seriously the other family was about the process. Fairly serious, but, I was told, they had some things to consider, not the least of which were the following facts: they had suffered the loss of bio children, had another special needs child adopted from China and one of their own and ... ("AND!!!!??", I'm thinking to myself, "How could there be more??") two older children.

OK, now I was stunned. Seriously perplexed. Yikers. Who would consider another adoption under such circumstances? Why would a family do such a thing? What kind of people were these? Martyrs? Attracted to suffering? Munchausen's by proxies?

I had had this child's file reviewed by two physicians, who both contacted the university hospitals in their respective areas of the country about this child's medical condition. Both came back with the same poor prognosis. This child's condition was grave. Likely inoperable. If this child was adopted, she may not survive the flight home to the states, or the resulting surgery. She almost assuredly had a shortened life expectancy.

I loved this child from the moment I laid eyes on her. I felt she was mine, our family's. More than anything, I wanted to give her a home. But, when I contemplated her condition, the fact that we might be uprooting her from her homeland, her culture, her adoring foster parents, her cuisine, her language, her friends...only to bring her across the ocean, on a journey she might not survive, to operate on her, with very little chance of a successful outcome? That she might die far away from all she had ever known, in the company of strangers? I hesitated. I waivered. I agonized. Was that fair to the child? Was my selfishness to love this child more for ME or HER? Did my desire for a child, THIS child usurp what might be best for her? I couldn't seem to come to a place where I 'knew' and had peace with the answer to that very important question.

But now I know. I *do* know the answer to that very important question. I know the answer, because I have been allowed to know the rest of the story, thanks be to God! I cold not find peace within me among my swirling doubts, because the child I thought was mine, was not. She belongs, no, BELONGS to the Green's.

God always has a plan. And although we could have provided a fine home for this child and she would have been much-loved, God knew better. He always does. Through much suffering and the patient growing of faith, God had prepared the PERFECT family for little Miss Spunky, Graci Kate.

I cannot say enough about this family, about Christianne and Jeremy. They are not perfect. They are transparent enough to allow us to know that, for which I give them kudos. If I were doing what they were doing, casually, on a daily basis, I think I'd be tempted to allow everyone to believe that I was God's "It Girl"--His steeley woman of faith and action. Yeah. Shallow, huh? Which leads us right back to God knows what He's doing, right? (wink)

Anyway. If you are a regular or even a sometimes/one-time reader of this blog, please do me this favor. Please visit the Green family blog, "A Full Quiver". Read. Read. Get to know these fine, funny, self-confessed kidjunkies.

And then, visit their newest blog, "Never Forsaken". Pore over this particular post.

Consider yourself invited along, to take part in a holy, reverent opportunity to partner with the God of the Universe in bringing about a modern-day miracle. The humble simplicity and beauty of their quest for their daughter, Elli, will bring tears to your eyes and your knees to the floor.

We can be forever changed and change others, by asking, seeking and knocking (till our knuckles are bloody, I once heard a pastor say) on the doors of Heaven.

Start to knockin', people.


The Greens said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this beautiful post. We are so grateful to have Graci! She is a light, a beacon, a message straight from heaven that God loves us. And when I say "us", I don't mean only our family. Hundreds of people have felt God's love through interactions with Graci, both personal and through the internet. I hope we can meet you someday and sit down for that cup of coffee/cocoa/water:)

Your friend,


Jennifer Green said...

Hi! I'm Jeremy Green's sister and found your blog through your comment on Elli's "miracle" website. Jeremy and Christianne truly are amazing, aren't they? I feel so blessed to have them in my family. And I feel so blessed to know Graci Kate (and all their amazing children). Thank you for sharing your faith and your love with my family!