Tuesday, October 28, 2008
In December 2005, I began to research in earnest, international adoption. I knew the process was iffy and long, at best; and heartbreaking and unethical, at worst.
I chose China. China un-chose us. I chose Vietnam. Vietnam (and the USA) un-chose lots of families. Things did not go as planned. We most likely will never adopt.
During this time, I attended a two-day Christian concert at the UNI-Dome called "ONEfest". It was awesome. During Alli Rogers set, she introduced her husband and called the audience's attention to a table, full of children to sponsor through "Compassion International". I felt led.
I walked toward the table, but quickly decided if I looked at the children's faces, I would want to adopt all of them. How could I choose? ugh.
I dropped to my knees (demonstrative me, I could care less what anyone thinks, when I need to connect with my God). I prayed, asking Him to show me what to do, who to sponsor. I stood and walked to the table.
I studied the sea of faces, all neatly packaged in plastics sleeves. Black, white, Asian, Latino, Middle Eastern. So many children. Boys. Girls. Teens. Toddlers. So many nations. Overwhelmed with the need.
Then I spied my little girl. Yukke. Indonesia. Age 5. Kindergarten. Slight tilt to her chin. Slight smile on her lips. Looking directly into the camera. Pigtails. Confident. Sweet. Maybe a little shy? Could I really make a difference? In a personal way?
I asked questions. I read the information and when I read that Compassion will actually allow you to meet your sponsored child in his/her country, I was sold out. Sign me up! For $32.00 a month, I can meet my child through letters, drawings, photos. I send letters back, with photos, stickers, gum (you can only send flat items). A Christmas and birthday check each year (this is all that is allowed), also make their way to Indonesia.
And I am watching my little one grow up. My little Yukke. When there have been natural disasters in her country, I have called Compassion to inquire about her safety and that of her family (she has a dad, mom and sister). The staff checks on her village and gets back to me about what is going on in her area of the country. I so appreciate that.
The most recent package I received from Compassion, included a letter, a new photo, updates and even cute bookmarks with Yukke's face on them. But immediately, I was sort of alarmed. As I studied little Yukke's face I saw something I'd never seen before.
What is it? Do you see it (I am referring to the photo of her in the pink Mickey Mouse dress)? Something isn't right. Darkness. Sadness. Anger? Bad day? Third finger, left hand; a ring, not there before. I don't know, but I am worried about my little Yukke.
Sponsoring a child through Compassion has been a wonderful experience. I would love to sponsor Yukke throughout her young life, into adulthood and then, start all over with another child. I would love to meet this little girl in Indonesia some day. I hope it can happen. Nah. I pray it will happen.
But first of all, I need to make sure that little Yukke is OK. Will you all pray with me for her welfare in all areas of her life? That I can make certain somehow that she is not in any danger or hardship, that she hasn't suffered any losses of family members? That she is well.
The running joke in my kids' lives is that I always have said, in complete seriousness, "All of the children are mine". That's how I feel. That's how it is in my heart.
And I am worried. Because I care.
Yukke is somehow mine.