Sunday, July 27, 2008

What can I say? I could never leave Him

I spent a looong time in this place...

"Surrender" by Barlow Girl

My hands hold safely to my dreams (more children/adoption)
Clutching tightly, not one has fallen

So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart, showing who I am

Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding, oh so tightly

Can't open my hands, can't let go (too scared; please don't make me)

Does it matter?
Should I show you?

Can't you let me go? (man, I really wish You would sometimes--not really)

Surrender, surrender
You whisper gently

You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?

My dreams are me.
My dreams are me

You say You have a plan for me
And that You want the best for my life

Told me the world had yet to see
What You can do with one
That's committed to Your calling

I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever

If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?

Or can I dream again? (ugh. Agony)

Now, tentatively, I am back in this place...

"A Heart That Knows You" by Twila Paris

Thought I knew so much
But, I've got so much to learn
Got so far to go
So much left to burn

Thought I knew You well
But I struggle in Your hands
Here again You bring the truth before me--

Freedom only comes when I let go (this is sooo true, but sooo hard to do)
This I know

And a heart that knows You
Is a heart that can wait
Die to the dearest desire

And a heart that knows You
Is a heart that can still celebrate
Following love through the fire

You would never lead
Where You had not been

Every road I face
You go down again

Time has come and gone
Since you walked into the flame

But still there is the pain before the glory
Handed is Your will I must embrace--
Oh, for grace (man, am I ever dependent upon that)

Beginning to worship. Beginning to pray. Beginning to care. Beginning to seek. Beginning to trust. Beginning to believe.

Beginning.

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