Monday, May 19, 2008

The one where the girl wanders aimlessly (still)

"So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." Deuteronomy Chapter 8 verse 3

Oh yeah. I've been humbled. Stripped. Raw. Pretty much dry and starving (spiritually speaking). I've described this experience as crawling on my hands and knees across broken glass.

Not really ready to share all the gory details here in cyberspace, but suffice it to say that I was confused about what I thought I knew about God; that I didn't know Him maybe at all? Pretty earthshaking stuff. My first faith crisis in my 15 years as a Christian.

So, into the desert I went 3 loooong years ago. And in the desert I have remained.

Is that to say that I have not communed with God during this time? No. Is that to say that I have not seen evidence of Him working and moving in my life? No. Perhaps the desert times that I have seen God and communed with Him were the times I was being
"allowed to hunger and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know".

I am far more likely to say that "I don't know" when considering God than ever before. He is more mysterious to me than ever. More hidden. Maybe this was necessary.

Maybe I felt like I knew Him too well. I was too familiar. Too used to Him; like the familiarity of spouses after a long marriage. Like I said, I don't know and anyway, who am I to say that I would know the mind of Christ? I'm pretty certain His ways are not my ways...

This verse ends with the lesson of learning ..."that (wo)man does not live by bread alone (which I have without scarcity--thank you, Lord), but (wo)man lives by every word which proceeds from the mouth of the Lord".

If that's the case (and I believe it is), I pray I am on the right path with this introspection of this passage of Scripture. Cuz really, I don't know what else to do.

(artwork from this cool artist)

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