Thursday, January 17, 2008

Or "And Then God *SCREAMED*...

Ever had those times where you are just not at all sure where the Lord is taking you and you feel lost, disoriented, confused, then frustrated and resigned?

At the point of frustration, I usually sit down and "harrrumph" at God. I tantrum a bit. I passionately exclaim and explain my plight.

I ask rhetorical questions like, "How am I supposed to live like this?" (humbly submitted, in complete trust; confident that I will care for you in all things) or "What *exactly* do you want from me?" (for you to love Me with all your mind, soul, heart and strength). The questions are rhetorical, because I already know the answers. They never change.

After the tantrum may come a stoney silence (from ME, never God). This length of this period of my walk varies, but when I've finally had enough of being separated (by ME) from God, I will issue a child-like pout, "I wish you'd tell me/show me CLEARLY what You want. I need a "sign" so clear I could not possibly miss that it is You directing my path." please.

Been waiting for that (not very long, cuz the tantrum part of things took a while).

Then, BAM!

Got it. Last night. Screaming through a megaphone. May as well have used neon lights.

God, You took an "inside" bit of knowledge, an affirming spirit-life experience, that existed only between You and me and you visually represented it EXACTLY as I had (using the exact same photo I had used on one of my blog posts).

When my husband, who never has read any of my blogs, brought this opportunity to me and I saw the BiLlBoArD you used, I knew.

I knew.

Just as I had asked. Just as You had always desired. I heard and saw You and Your love for me shine through. No illusion. No mirage. No mistake.

Yes, Lord. I will go.

And Papa? Thank You.

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