Saturday, August 25, 2007


Broken Glass and Rain

I have said for a long while that for the last year or so, I have felt like I was crawling on my hands and knees through broken glass. Ouch. Yuck. Agonizingly painful and slow.

But, after last week's prayer from the youth at church, I have experienced a complete washing away of the grime and grit. The Lord opened the heavenlies (literally) and dumped torrents of rain on me, as I ran through a parking lot at work.

At first, I was rather distressed and inconvenienced; after all, I was pulling my cart, carrying my purse, lunch box and computer case and my remote door opener is broken. Sheesh. I was shower-soaked. Soaking wet.

As I ran, hoping to avoid the rain (yeah, right), I was suddenly filled with little kid joy. I laughed and laughed and no longer cared that I was soaked, my car would be soaked, my computer bag and cart were soaked. I laughed loudly and freely and it felt great.

I knew, in the moment, that God was working; washing away my crud, in an instant, as only He can do. However, it wasn't until several days later that week, that I remembered that rain has such special significance for me and my Papa-God. He reminded me of when, as a newly saved woman, I had begged Him to show me my life vision.

When He brought it, I shared it with our pastors and then was asked to share it with our church. I wrote it up in my journal and have revisited it, from time to time. Here it is...

I am dancing in the rain. Buckets and buckets of rain. I am having blast, free, don't care who sees me. After awhile, the Lord says to my heart, "Put your hands together". I cup them and they fill, immediately, over and over, splashing out around me.

Then, the Lord speaks again. He says, "Now. You must give it away.". And I knew. I knew that I would spend the rest of my life, hands empty and outstretched, being refilled again and again, only to be be emptied, as I freely give away all that I am given.

Now, the trick? To actively resist the ick and the agony of the broken glass, while embracing the rain.

Darling 10 year old

Darling 10 year old with VORF

I will call and inquire.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Cat's in the Cradle--ugh

This week I had my first "Cat's in the Cradle" moment with my daughter.

When the kids were little, I instituted, "Kids' Day", as the last day of the summer, prior to the start of school. The only rules were...there were no rules! Ice cream for breakfast? Sure! Goofy golfing? OK! Waterfun? No prob. Ahhhhh, those were the days of some heady mommy-pedestal memories. Sigh.

So, Monday was a non-contract day for me, but I had soooo much work to do, I worked. Then, in a moment of brilliance, it came to me--I would take Thursday off, instead, and present the day to Alannah as a gift. She and I could shop, get clothes, school supplies, eat lunch, get dessert, pedicures, manicures, etc. Wow, what a cool mom am I!

Except...I didn't clear my big idea with my daughter's day-planner. Her last day of summer? Filled with working at her job, prepping for her dance team Fall Kickoff and going out with friends after.

Hmmmm...she even apologized, saying that it sounded fun, but well, she was busy.


Yup. Cat's in the cradle (whatever the h*** that means) has arrived. I only hope I wasn't too busy too many times during her growing up times. I don't want her, or I, to have any regrets.

Man, the time just flew...

God and man in agreement...

Straight from Wikipedia...

"An intense amount of pressure and heat makes the diamond form."

Nuff said.

I hope we're about done, Lord...

Please, Lord...

"Set Me Free"

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my eyes
And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free
You are free
You are free

Monday, August 20, 2007


Surely, Lord,

You count

and hold

the silent tears

of the suffering,

as well as those

offered outwardly?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Living in the Promise(d) Land

Must stop living as though life for me will truly begin at the point that Mark and I become adoptive parents.

I am missing the present. I am missing the gift of the present.

I am already living in the Promise(d) Land. Thank you, Lord for that. For the incredible gift of the present...the Promise(d)land.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I just wanna know...

How to say, "I love you" in Vietnamese. And, "It's OK". And "You are my/our daughter". And "Where does it hurt?" and "Don't be afraid." and "We will always love you" and "We are glad you are ours".

Rosetta Stone-Vietnamese arrived yesterday.

I cried at the Dunraven Inn in Estes Park when Mark told me he had ordered it.

Hoi An

Isn't she lovely?

She is with another agency, but apparently is up for adoption. She is 10 years old and was photographed by a couple from CR, when they were meeting their darling, infant daughter for the first time.

What to do?